twenty one .....

Twenty one is a defining number .... a milestone ..... a breath of fresh air. For me this was all true ..... I celebrated in style with family and friends as I turned twenty one ..... moved out of home ..... got married ..... started my new life.

Twenty one is a defining number for many reasons, for many people ..... for me this week, it was twenty one years ago that mother died ..... twenty one years that I have thought, hoped, wished and prayed as a little girl, a young women and now as a mother, that things would have been different.

Now as a mother, I couldn't imagine the thought of leaving behind a child ..... trusting the people you love to raise your them. Over the past twenty one years, I have cried many tears of sadness, loneliness, anger ..... but through this past year I have cried different tears ..... tears of my son not being able to know his grandmother ..... tears of me not going to be able to share any stories ..... tears of not being able to ask mothering advice ..... tears of not being able to share the most precious time of my life, my children, with my mum.

Though through the past twenty one years, I have been able to share life's joys and sadness and now this precious boy with my nan ..... the person who raised me, just as I believe my mum would have .....