five years .... the day then

9 June 2007

thank you for walking this journey with me James .... x

Red

Red .... a colour that I've always shied away from .... now no more!!

oh and this is my beautiful friend Karen ...

time to change!

I'm continually being inspired by the people around me ..... inspired to start this blog .... inspired to be creative .... inspired to clean (sometimes) .... the list goes on. Recently I've been inspired .... inspired to change.

Change can be exciting, but can also be challenging. And challenging it is going to be for me. Six years ago I found out that I had type 1 diabetes. This is a very manageable disease, though for me it's something that I have always found challenging to control for personal reasons. I have in the past and still sometimes today, have ignored the signs that my body has been telling me that something needs to change. After being hospitalised twice and especially now that I have this precious boy .... I need to start listening.

Controlling diabetes is a daily challenge. Checking blood sugars before every meal, injecting insulin a minimum five times a day, looking at carbohydrates in foods.... and that feels like just the start. Being the mother of a toddler, working and just daily life, I find I don't have time to do all of these things properly. Though when I take time and step back, I don't know if I'm just using that as an excuse .... I know that there is time and I need to make it!

Heather (my beautiful fairy Godmother) has inspired me. She was diagnosed with MS .... the discipline I see in her is inspiring. She has researched MS .... changed her diet (strictly) .... exercises ..... takes health supplements ..... all to better her health and fight MS. She makes no excuses and has taken control of this disease .... a true inspiration!!

I know and I feel in my body that I need to change .... need to be more discipline .... need to be healthy for my family and for me!  

So where to from here? I want to use this blog to keep myself accountable for the changes that I want to make in my life and to inspire others, as I have been to change .... in whatever way that might be! For me ...   healthy eating .... exercise ..... monitoring blood sugar levels ..... daily injections .... just a healthy lifestyle (with a few needles :P )

how great is he ....

how great is he ..... 

a sleeping boy and his dog ..... a cup of hot tea ..... a beautiful sunset ..... 

he is good to me .....

how great is our God ..... 

like father, like son ....

As most young boys growing up in England, James played soccer .... something special he did with his dad. Now as a father, it's something he and Finlay can enjoy together ....

 

half time ..... a quick pic with mum ....

a thousand words ...

The old saying 'pictures can say a thousand words' for me is so true. I love taking photos, looking at photos and to be honest .... I love being in them (maybe not so much these days ..... plus I have a much cuter subject now).

A photo captures emotions ... travels ... milestones ... memories. It allows family, friends and even strangers, to come together and share that one special moment with you. A photo can bring on laughter, tears, joy and so much more, as a forgotten time is brought to life.

Through 'A Lanterns Light' I shared that I want to create memories for myself and my family. A large part for me, will be through photos. So ..... in a thought to share a bit more about who I am ... instead of writing 'a thousand words' to tell the tale, I thought I'd share this video with you. My beautiful friend (her blog Saffron Threads) made this video for me for my twenty-first birthday. She did an amazing job, and it is something that I'll always treasure.

Five Years have passed now .... I've got married .... finished uni .... got a job teaching .... bought a house ..... had my beautiful baby boy .... made new friends .... however, it's the moments before this I would like to share, my family ... friends ... adventures ... the people who have shaped me and continue to shape me into the person who I am today.

me ... 21 years

Note .... the boy in the video .... I married him :)

my moments ....

sweet whispers in the night ~ dad dad dad ..... little fingers wrapped around the corner wall, waiting patiently for a game of peek-a-boo ..... cheeky smiles accompanied by 'uh oh's' before items are dropped to the floor ..... one word said with such certainty about everything in sight ~ dog ..... fingers pointing to light switches to flick them on and off ..... laying down in the middle of the floor when tired ..... eyes peeking from behind the mirror ..... arms stretched upwards for cuddles ..... juice dripping from cheeks stuffed with grapes ..... special hugs for his toy dogs ..... ignoring everything except ~ bottle ..... opening, closing, pushing or pulling anything that he shouldn't ..... looking into big blue eyes ..... dancing silly to hear giggles ..... enjoying and learning new things everyday ..... laying in bed playing and chatting hours after going down ..... watching his face light up when daddy comes home ..... cuddles first thing in the morning and last at night ..... my moments with my boy .....

his new shoes ...

What an exciting journey it is being a mum ..... watching my baby turn into a little boy, brings so much joy to my heart. I'd always thought about having a girl ..... doing her hair, playing with dolls, SHOPPING ..... but not much of having a boy ..... what I was missing out on!! 

Those things might happen one day, but for now, I'm all about playing with trucks, kicking the ball, getting dirty ..... and I'm loving it!

His new shoes ..... my boy ..... love

nine days ..... nine ways

Nine days is how long James has been away this week ..... I can't say that it has been easy (for either of us) as this has been the longest James has been away from his family. These times apart remind me however, of how incredibly lucky I am to have a husband who works hard and helps around the house and a father who helps with his son. It's not until you find yourself having to do all the jobs around the house, all the routines that come with having children, that you realise how much you miss, love and appreciate that special someone ..... and for me, that's James.

Though I'm not the only one in this house missing him, Finlay misses his daddy. Even though he is only fifteen months old, it's obvious that Finaly misses hid dad. Little routines, moments, looks and games that James does with Finlay, might seem insignificant, but has been so important in the bond between them, even at this young age. This has become obvious and true to me over the past week.  

Here are nine ways I see Finlay missing his dad .....

one ... picking up anything that resembles a phone, putting it to his ear yelling 'dad dad dad'

two ... every morning pointing to the light switch wanting to turn it on and off (an electricians son)

three ... random times during the day running to the door, calling 'dad'

four ... pointing to photos of James laughing

five ... wanting to kick the soccer ball all the time 

six ...waving at any utes or loud cars that go by, saying 'dad'

seven ... laying on the floor wanting to jump on me ..... James would say we are 'wrestling' 

eight ... getting up in the morning, one of the first two things he does is say ... 'dad' and 'dog'

nine ... going to bed I say 'mummy and daddy love you very much' ... his response is 'dad'

miss and love you James xx

finlay alistair

Finlay Alistair Scott .....my most precious gift ..... the light of my life ..... the joy in my heart .....my son. I have never experienced so many different emotions, than when becoming a mother. At birth a wave of happiness that I had a son, my son, followed by deep sadness as I wasn't able to hold him for four days. Screams by Finlay when he had his first bath, were accompanied by tears from me, urging James to take him out. Dressing him in his going home outfit with excitement, as we were taking our boy home. Joy, because we were now a little family ..... this was all in the first week.

Finlay Alistair Scott ..... Finlay - fair haired warrior - Alistair - defender of people. Fair hair he has indeed (as some of you would know is a sigh of relief for me) and as he grows from a little boy to a young man, I want to instil in him values that include love for people and I hope and pray that he will have the courage and strength to be a warrior, fight for what he believes is right, the people he loves and his faith. 

Over the last fifteen moths this boy has changed our lives, given it a new purpose. It's interesting looking back ..... as most mothers, fathers and families would agree, you can't imagine life without this beautiful child ..... yes there are days when I would like to try ..... but this child is with me forever, my responsibility, and as I said before, my precious gift .....

I look forward to sharing this gift with you .....

     

twenty one .....

Twenty one is a defining number .... a milestone ..... a breath of fresh air. For me this was all true ..... I celebrated in style with family and friends as I turned twenty one ..... moved out of home ..... got married ..... started my new life.

Twenty one is a defining number for many reasons, for many people ..... for me this week, it was twenty one years ago that mother died ..... twenty one years that I have thought, hoped, wished and prayed as a little girl, a young women and now as a mother, that things would have been different.

Now as a mother, I couldn't imagine the thought of leaving behind a child ..... trusting the people you love to raise your them. Over the past twenty one years, I have cried many tears of sadness, loneliness, anger ..... but through this past year I have cried different tears ..... tears of my son not being able to know his grandmother ..... tears of me not going to be able to share any stories ..... tears of not being able to ask mothering advice ..... tears of not being able to share the most precious time of my life, my children, with my mum.

Though through the past twenty one years, I have been able to share life's joys and sadness and now this precious boy with my nan ..... the person who raised me, just as I believe my mum would have .....

a lanterns light .....

A lanterns light can illuminate your surroundings ..... provide colour and decoration ..... help celebrate traditions ..... guide you ..... be lit in memory .....

I want to be all of these things for my family and the people in my lives ..... I want to illuminate my surroundings, the people that surround me, with joy and love. However that might be .... through laughter, gifts, hugs, food, life itself ..... 

I want to create colourful moments with my son (and future children) ..... experiences that will help them grow not only physically and emotionally but spiritually also ..... 

I want to add decorations to my life ..... start some creative projects, cook some new creations, learn some new skills .....

I want to celebrate the joy of family and friends ..... coming together to celebrate traditions, with friends old and new .....

I want to guide my family ..... guide my family as a wife, mother and as a women of faith ..... through prayer, love, time and faith .....

Finally, I want to create memories for my family ..... memories that will shape my children, memories that will not fade, memories that will remind me of the precious gifts that I have been given by God ..... A Lanterns Light is a place for those memories to be shared and remembered and a place for me to be reminded of Gods love .....